She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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