He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
