3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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