I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
