Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
