i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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