why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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