i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize