its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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