I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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