You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
