Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
