So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
