I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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