i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
