im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
