This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
