I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
