Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
