Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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