People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
two words: eviction party
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
