I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
