So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
