Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Found your dick twin last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
