Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
