saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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