i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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