he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize