my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
