3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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