she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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