Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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