Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
