i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
