i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
how drunk are you?
Several
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
