He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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