The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
