You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You are a genius and a whore.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
