I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We left an ass print on the piano.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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