you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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