My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
