my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
