I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
