people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
