I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
