if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
