Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
