he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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