I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless