i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...