I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.