Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.