Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
