yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
last night I used snow as a chaser
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
