haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
