Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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