put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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