Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
