i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
