I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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