i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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