I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
