I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
