I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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