I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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