Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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