Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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