he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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