I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
