I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
