I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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