At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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