when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
