why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
