There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
