I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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