I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
